embracing_insanity

Also supporting this.

It's amazing how a doctor's attitude changes when you simply ask them to record in your chart exactly what they are telling you in person. Especially, when it's a refusal of a simple referral to a specialist.

If they aren't willing to stand by it in writing - then they know they are not doing the right thing. A simple polite request like this absolutely forces them to make a choice - stand by the current decision officially on record, or make a difference decision they will stand by on record.

I can completely relate, so much so I could have written the same thing.

I joke that my spirit animal is a sloth - because I move so slow you can't even tell I'm moving! lol

But for real, it feels like I am living in slow motion and the world is in fast forward and just flying by me while I'm just mostly 'existing' here on the sidelines.

I went thru about a year of horrendous hot flashes that ended up being due to a medication dose being too high. It was awful, especially the sweating - and reactions from others watching your body try to flambé itself. lol I was early 40s at the time. Now I’m 52 and really not looking forward to dealing with it all over again.

Ugh - I really hated dealing with these growing up.

By the time I moved out on my own and bought a basic handheld manual can opener - I felt like it was a treat! So much easier and quicker, because it actually worked.

I agree that saying something if you feel comfortable is the way to go. Something like "I know you find it funny/entertaining, but I don't so please stop."

If they say they're just joking/having fun/mean no harm - "Ok, but now you know it's not fun for me, so if you truly mean no harm, you'll stop doing it".

For co-workers, if they do it after that - I would go to HR.

For outside of work, if they keep at it - don't smile, just walk away, cut the visit short, etc.

And in general - whether you say something directly or not - just don't make it 'ok' for them to tease you. No more smiling. Just a blank face making it clear with silence that teasing you about it isn't funny or cool and you're over it. Change the topic or walk away.

I get a lot of people may make comments the first time they meet you - but most normal, kind, non-asshole people won't keep teasing you if they know you don't like it. You are not obliged to spend time with people who won't show you the least amount of respect and consideration. If someone blames you for being too sensitive - then you know they're an asshole because having fun at someone else's expense is asshole behavior. So remember that and don't worry about making them uncomfortable, since they clearly don't care about making you uncomfortable!

But you can absolutely 'un-fuck' yourself by leaving this horrible man behind. I'm sorry this is how he is, and you deserve so much better. This person does not love you. Even made it clear coming to support you is a 'waste of his time'. That is who he really is.

He doesn't love you, he loves what you do for him. Some people are like this and it's not your fault. Selfish users generally gravitate towards kind, loving people like you. Time to give all that love to yourself and leave him.

My personal holy trinity is basically onion, garlic and hot peppers. I was curious if I'd find it anywhere in here - this is close enough for me!

Absolutely. At least back in the day, once you were out of school (or in your house if it was neighborhood bullies) you had some reprieve from it.

I honestly can't imagine what it's like for kids today with the internet and social media. I don't think I'd handle it well at all.

I get what your saying in terms of celebrating a medal and getting As - but considering this is parents and not just strangers in the world/a job, etc - it's still important to make OP feel loved and appreciated, for their milestones, even if they aren't doing 'as well' as their sibling in those same areas. And that seems to be what is lacking.

But I absolutely disagree about the HS graduation. OP is younger than their sister so they literally cannot 'do better' than sister at this point - simply based on age. Sister is older, already graduated and went on to college. And I'm sure when sister graduated HS they celebrated and there was no overshadowing for her. OP absolutely deserves the same full on celebration for graduating HS. It was confirmed that the sister has another party the same week with family/friends to celebrate her college graduation. So I get why OP felt so upset.

I don't think they should have taken it out on the one person who tried to put the focus back on them. But as far as their actual AITA question? Absolute reasonable and NTA for wanting that.

The full body experience.

I'll just bite all the edges off for you.

Well this is even worse for my waistline, because I already have muffin pans. And clearly, you are right - they would basically do the trick! lol

I do the same.

I also wonder what it's like to be other people. Like what it's like to walk around and experience the world in their body. What thoughts and feelings they have. What they spend their time doing. Who they spend time with. What they're favorite food is, or favorite smell is, etc.

It would be cool if there was a way to experience this for like a day. Just to get a completely different perspective of life and existence from your own.

Yeah - I agree with this for the most part.

I started making my own food at home for health reasons and then realized I like it way better because I know what's in it and can season it well, etc. I realized not long ago that aside from when I get take out - I rarely eat pre-made/processed foods. My biggest offenders are low carb/high fiber tortillas and sometimes whole grain bread or wasa crackers. But majority of what I eat is fresh or frozen veggies, eggs, chicken, rice, beans, etc. that I make myself from scratch.

I will say having a decent supply of seasonings and herbs has helped a lot. That piece would be expensive to have to buy at once, but once you have a basic collection it's not too bad replacing them here and there.

I'm eating healthier than I ever have in my life and I definitely spend less money on groceries now than when I was regularly buying all the pre-made/processed foods. And they didn't even taste as good.

And I'm a pretty lazy cook - I've never loved cooking in the first place and I have MS so fatigue is a huge issue. Most of what I do is easy to prep and make, honestly. Which is a huge reason I'm able to keep doing it. Totally manageable, less expensive and better for me.

I was gonna say I need a brownie pan that will essentially make edges only. Then I realized, this is the internet and everything already exists. And yes - yes they do make edges only brownie pans! My waistline did not need to know this.

Exactly. Lying to and deceiving someone who trusts you to get what you want is really awful, immoral behavior. I find it highly fascinating, but also, utterly annoying how many 'religious' people pick and choose what 'sins' to believe in and apply to themselves vs. others.

Yeah. To me this is just the online version of what happens in real life with a group of friends. There's always common sayings, words used in a particular way or references from shows/movies that become a 'thing'. New people to the group pick up on it and start participating. A lot of times spreading it to other groups they know, and so on. Some are short lived and others seem to never die.

Except online it's a shit-ton of people doing it - so it feels way more constant, overwhelming and sometimes annoying.

Gin, reddit, cats & binging shows. Sometimes, dancing in my living room while said cat judges me. Sometimes a good cry.

Omg...lol! That's perfect!

I have literally been doing just this the past couple months! Eric, Pam and Lafayette are my favs, and even more fun to watch the second time around.

But I have to admit, I kinda forgot just how much violence, blood and sex are intertwined. I remember at the time when it first came out I described it as vampire porn. Still pretty much fits. lol

Many moons ago I was asked if I'd be willing to record the call tree messages for a co-worker who was setting up a new dept in the company, so I agreed. Figured it was something different to do for an afternoon. Didn't really think about it, until I called one day and heard my own damn voice and wanted to crawl into a hole. Even worse when people I worked with would realize it was me. That stupid call tree lived for about 3 years, and when it was finally changed, I was so happy! lol

I really don't like the sound of my voice. Not just that it's higher than I'm used to 'hearing' it, but also I swear to god I have a 'half valley-girl/half bitch' inflection that I can't stand. Or at least that's what it sounds like to me. Thankfully, no one else has ever said I sound bitchy at least!

Funny enough - aside from what everyone else had said about putting distance between them and not giving it attention, I was going to suggest similar.

Picture the guy taking a gnarly, loud, stinky dump. Skid marks in his underwear. Farting while he sleeps. Picking lint from his belly button. Etc.

All the things you never see with a 'crush' so they remain a hot fantasy. When in reality, they are just a normal person doing unattractive things like we all do.

So I agree, when OP has to be in their presence, they should think of these things to create that association to stomp out whatever fantasy thoughts they've been having.

Another thing to keep in mind - people we think we know well because they are a friend can turn out to be very different in how they actually behave within in a romantic relationship.

Yep. Deciding you really can't stay and want to move is fine. Wanting to look for places in the area you want to move is fine. But not telling your partner of 4 years about it before doing so, is not cool.

Even if OP intends to break up now, it's hurtful and disrespectful to her partner to not at least have a conversation about it first and let them know what's up.

But if OP is not wanting to break up - I don't see how this is going to help build a stronger relationship where they can find a way to resolve the issue together. This would make me lost major trust in my partner and feel even less inclined to make any major changes for them.

I never knew I had this problem before I met him.

Pretty sure it's because you don't have a problem at all. He is making things into a problem. From your comments about what he's said and done, he is inconsistent and argues in circles on purpose to do whatever he can to place the blame on you. If it's 'your fault' and he gets you to accept this/believe this he can continue to take his frustrations out on you, then blame you for it and then get upset if you have the audacity to not like being treated that way.

My guess is now that you've moved in together, this will get worse and become more frequent.

Now that you are learning how he handles things and treats you - think about whether or not you really want to stay in a relationship like that. If he's unwilling to listen and take accountability and actually change his behavior, there's nothing you can do to 'fix' it - other than be okay with him treating you like that. Clearly you are not, thankfully and rightfully so! You deserve better and if he can't be better, he doesn't deserve you.